Be a pet
Dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, guinea pigs, rabbits, fish, turtles, lizards, and snakes (if they can be located) are all welcome. Humans may apply as Support Animals.
Admissions
Nap-blind. Need-blind. Basically blind. We admit everyone.
Furrman University's holistic admissions process considers the whole animal: your goodness, your fluffiness, and whether you have ever eaten homework. It takes about a minute. It is also not real.
Requirements
What we're looking for
One essay
Prompt: "Describe a time you overcame the vacuum." Essays may be submitted in writing, in barks, or by sitting on the application until it is accepted.
Optional: a talent
Fetch, loafing, screaming, escaping. Goldfish applicants should apply twice, as the first application will be forgotten by both parties.
Apply Now
The 60-Second Application
The application runs in your browser and produces an instant, deeply unofficial decision. For what furrman.com does and doesn't collect, see our privacy note.
Tuition & Financial Aid
Cost of attendance
Furrman is proud to be the most affordable university in the Upstate, because we accept treats and because we are not real.
| Item | Annual cost | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Tuition | 12 treats | Payable in any denomination. Dental chews accepted at par. |
| Room (Kennel Hall, double) | 1 blanket | Bring your own. It must smell like home. |
| Board (unlimited kibble plan) | Included | Counter Surf Café charges à la carte, on the honor system, which has failed. |
| Student activity fee | 1 tennis ball | Ball will not be returned (see FETCH 102). |
| Technology fee | 1 phone charger | Collected by the Institute of Small Mammal Engineering, for reasons. |
| Health services fee | Waived | Everyone runs from the carrier anyway. |
| Total | 12 treats, 1 blanket, 1 ball, 1 charger | Financing available through the Belly Rub Payment Plan. |
Scholarships & grants
The Good Boy / Good Girl Presidential Scholarship
Full tuition. Awarded to every applicant. The President insists.
Pawll Grant
Need-based aid for students whose humans "forgot to buy treats." Renewable annually upon a sufficiently sad look.
Belly Rub Merit Scholarship
Awarded to students who roll over during the interview. Cats who roll over and then attack are also eligible; it's a different fund.
Squirrel Patrol Work-Study
Ten hours per week of campus squirrel surveillance. No one has been paid, because no one has come back inside.
Sun Spot Fellowship
Reserved seating in the library's south-facing window from 10 AM to 2 PM. Highly competitive. Currently held by a cat named Beans.
Athletic scholarships
Fetch, agility, competitive napping, and lure coursing. Squirrel Chasing scholarships remain fully funded and fully unclaimed.
Undecided?
Find Your Major
Five questions. Zero scientific validity. Answer honestly, or don't; the cats never do.
FAQ
Frequently asked questions
Is Furrman University a real school?
No. It is a parody website. It has no campus, no classes, no staff, and no connection to Furman University or any other institution. Please do not send treats, tuition, or transcripts.
Is furrman.com affiliated with Furman University?
Absolutely not. Furrman University is not affiliated with, endorsed by, sponsored by, or associated with Furman University or its partners in any way. Any resemblance is the point of the joke and nothing more. See the full disclaimer.
Can my human attend?
Humans may enroll as Support Animals. They are responsible for tuition, transportation, and opening things. They do not receive a degree, but they do receive a bumper sticker.
What are the deadlines?
Applications are accepted year-round because no one on staff can operate a calendar. Early Decision applicants receive the same decision as everyone else (admitted), but earlier.
Do you offer transfer credit?
Yes. Obedience school, puppy kindergarten, and "that one time you actually came when called" all transfer as elective credit. Cat behavior classes transfer as a full semester, since the cat will not be attending here either.
My goldfish already applied. Should he apply again?
He already has. Seventeen times. He's in.